Saturday, June 17, 2006

Having Fun With Blending Modes

I have been wanting to add a little more digi to my scrapping and have recently been introduced to Jessica Sprague's awesome blog with Friday Photoshop tutorials! This week Jessica talked about blending modes and OMG I can't wait to use it on everything that I have! I love the mix of digi with traditional paper layouts. I see a new trend in my future!

Check this out! Isn't it so cool? You can do it to! It really wasn't hard and it was SO fun in the process. Now I can't wait to scrap this photo! Nothing like a cool new technique to get the 'ole mojo flowing again I say!

Thanks Jessica! You rock!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I'm so tired....

I'm feeling much better today although I could do without the nagging cough and constant dribble from my nose.

I would like to know why it is that my children, both of them, feel the need to wake up 2, 3, even 4 times a night. It is really driving us insane. Sure they go back to sleep right away but it makes for a very restless night. That coupled with a VERY long day at work makes me a very tired girl. Still, here it is, almost 11pm and I sit here, writing on my blog.


I feel frustrated tonight with my work. I often feel frustrated after a shift at the hospital. A lot of people have said to me that what I do is important work and that it must be so cool to save lives. While I agree that my work is important, nurses frequently feel unnoticed and unheard. While it can sometimes feel fantastic to save a life, we sometimes are forced to keep people alive that we know will have not have any real quality of life when we do save them. What are we saving these people for? So that they can sit in a wheelchair in their nursing home where no one comes to visit them? Where they probably don't remember their caregivers who care for them on a daily basis? Or for those who we don't even know if they even have any family at all, where their only "family" is a public trustee who has made them a "full code" 3 years ago and hasn't bothered to revisit the patient's code status? Now there is a poor man who I am sure has suffered a lot, who probably won't recognize anyone who he should recognize, clinging to life in an ICU, with a tube in his throat helping him to breath, and more medications than any one person should have running through an IV just to keep his blood pressure high enough to sustain his life. Not one person came to visit this man while he was under my care today and our attempts at finding any family that we could speak with ended with the nurse at the nursing home. There was none. Not such a rewarding day. The sad thing is it happens all the time. I tell everyone I know to let their family know their wishes should the unthinkable happen, because it WILL happen. Will your family know what to do?

We do. Nurses do. Doctors do. Those of us that see this on a daily basis. We see tragedy, upon tragedy in our Emergency. We joke about having DNR tatooed on our chests. Or about stock piling medications so that when the time comes we will have our own choice to make when we can make it. Sure we see wonderful things as well. Sure there are many happy moments as well. The majority of people leave the hospital tired but okay but some don't and I am saddened by the families that have never discussed these topics or the patients that have to die alone. If you are reading this and haven't discussed this with your family, please make sure they understand your wishes. Please.

This isn't a self pity party about what a bad day I had. There were many fine moments of my day. I even laughed today. But patients like this can sometimes weigh heavy on your soul. I never really know what to say when people will say, "Wow, you work in ER? It must be so exciting! You must have some great stories!". The truth is that I DO have some stories but the "stories" that I remember the most, that stay with me and are easy to recall are the ones where someone is usually critically injured or ends with me (and others) having to support a grieving family.

It's just hard. That's all there is to it. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually....hard. I don't know how else to explain it. Often, I just want to go to an office, do my job on my computer, not hold people's lives in my hands, and go home. I know that that can be hard too, but I sometimes think it really isn't the same HARD.


So now I've gone back and reread what I have written and although I feel like taking all the middle part out, I'm not. I feel the need to say those things tonight. I feel the need to let people know what it is really like sometimes.

It's strange reading it all again because I see the dissociation with it and then me tapping into my feelings about today. Often I just push all those feelings down. We have to do that. It's a coping thing I think. Two seperate home life and my work life. But tonight I'm just so tired...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

I Am....among other things...

Melissa posted a challenge to bloggers on S! the following list. So....being the obedient young lady that I am, I will oblige ;) Plus I might win a RAK!! Nothing like the promise of a prize to get me going I say!!

I AM: Everything that I wanted to be and more...and some things that I didn't want to be.
I WANT: to get in shape and kick my food addiction in the butt once and for all.
I HAVE: everything I need
I WISH: I had more will power
I HATE: mean and arrogant people
I MISS: having time to myself on a regular basis
I HEAR: children laughing and playing...five minutes ago it was children screaming and crying
I WONDER: what my life will be like a year from now
I REGRET: not allowing my creative side to come out during my schooling years
I AM NOT: happy with my nursing job right now
I DANCE: when no one is watching
I SING: only to my children because to them I have the best voice in the world
I CRY: when I see children suffering
I AM NOT ALWAYS: patient
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: my own works of art
I WRITE: because it calms me and allows me to share my thoughts and feelings
I CONFUSE: my husband
I NEED: love and companionship
I SHOULD: be cleaning my house
I START: everything with enthusiasm
I FINISH: projects with a deep feeling of satisfaction even though it sometimes takes me a while to get there

Thanks for the challenge Melissa! You helped me keep up with my other challenge to post to my blog daily as well!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Under the Weather

Feeling pretty crumby today. I started yesterday with what I thought was a cold but seemed to morph over night into the flu. I woke up this morning with a fever and the feeling like I might vomit at any second. I'm not a really good sick person. I spend my professional like looking after sick people, you think I would be able to handle it. I can't. I sit around feeling sorry for myself. Good thing I have a good man who puts up with me.

This was the worst time of the month to get sick too. I was supposed to be working at Wendy's today getting the kits out. I feel like I have let so many people down. Everyone is always so excited to get the kits and when one factor in the already hectic schedule isn't in place, everything gets thrown off wack. Wendy was so sweet too...she even offered to let me use her "sparkle puke bucket". Thanks. :)

I don't have much else to say since I spent the day sleeping and lounging in my PJ's. I did manage to start some organizing of my embellishments by colour families. I read about it in the Big Picture book. I loved the concept and I can already see how it will be perfect for me. My only concern is trying to pick what colour to put an item with when there are more than one colour. I have put those to the side for now. It's a big job but I think it will be worth it in the end. I will post some pictures (maybe) when and if I ever get it done. It's funny how you have zero strength when you are sick. It's like opening a cupboard takes all the energy in the world.

I'm leaving with a posting of my last layout for the Scraptivity June kit. I loved this kit and I admit I pushed for this paper, so if you don't like it I guess you have me partly to blame! I am so pleased with how this layout turned out. I admit that I was a little afraid of the Festival Letter stamps but I love how the work so well with this layout.

I think that is about it for today. I should at least get some brownie points for keeping up with my commitment to post to my blog. No? Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a healthier day!

Here's to tomorrow!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

It's been a real long time... has been forever since I have written on my blog and I made a promise to myself today that I was going to try and post much more frequently. Even if it is just a couple of lines. I think I was feeling this need to write a novel and that was stopping me from coming on and posting. The funny thing is, once I get started it is sometimes hard to stop! Cheap therapy I guess.

Life has been a little hectic lately. I have gone back up to 30 hours a week at the hospital and that hasn't made me very happy. I'm trying to balance that with working with Wendy and getting my own scrapping done. I feel SO good when I scrap but I find that I am SO tired lately and just getting down there to my desk is hard in itself. I think I just have to commit to sitting at the desk every day and looking at my photos and supplies. Then inspiration will set in and I will start scrapping. It usually works every time if I can just get myself down there.

We have Grace registered in Blast Ball and Soccer this summer. So far she is loving every minute of it. Blast Ball is a step below T-Ball. It just gets them used to working as a team and hitting and fielding the ball. It is one of the cutest things I have ever seen (even though I have only managed to get out to one game so far due to working at the hospital...grrr). Basically there is a T and one base. The kids (about 6 of them) stand on these little black pads all around this one base. When the player hits the ball, they all run to try and get the ball. It's so cute to see a group of 6 kids scurrying to get the ball. So far there hasn't been any huge fights.

A cute thing happened at one of the first games. Grace's team is called the Rockies. When they were leaving the field to go home, Grace turned around (not knowing the kids names yet) and screamed, "Bye Rockies number 5!!" It was adorable!

On the scrapping front, I'm thinking about entering Masters this year. That's about as far as I have gotten. I am loving the design team work I am doing for Scraptivity. I love that those kits are constantly pushing me to come up with new ideas and techniques! I was talking last night how I feel like entering the CK HOF contest this year was one of the best things I have ever done in my scrapbooking. It was a challenge to complete those 10 layouts but I felt so fulfilled when I sent in that entry and I feel like it has really helped me to grow as a scrapper. Really good things have come from me entering that contest too.

I believe that things that are happening now are a result of me entering that contest as well. It has given me more confidence to put myself out there. You can't win if you don't try, right?

I'm so excited that yesterday at the CK Convention in Buffalo, I won the Scrapworks Award of Merit prize! I was so excited! There were so many wonderful entries! I saw a few of them myself. I want to give a small shout out to my friend Kim who in my opinion should have won a prize as well....her layout was amazing! I loved all the little details of it. I hope you will get to see it soon on a gallery or better still in an up and coming book or magazine!

Kudos of course to my friend Vicki for bringing home the "Best in Show" award too! Her layout was breathtaking of course...any one who knows Vicki's work would expect no less. I'll be waiting for my dinner Vic!

See? I can't just write a couple of mother used to always say I talked too much...perhaps she is right.