Having Fun With Blending Modes

I have been wanting to add a little more digi to my scrapping and have recently been introduced to Jessica Sprague's awesome blog with Friday Photoshop tutorials! This week Jessica talked about blending modes and OMG I can't wait to use it on everything that I have! I love the mix of digi with traditional paper layouts. I see a new trend in my future!

Check this out! Isn't it so cool? You can do it to! It really wasn't hard and it was SO fun in the process. Now I can't wait to scrap this photo! Nothing like a cool new technique to get the 'ole mojo flowing again I say!

Thanks Jessica! You rock!

I'm so tired....

I'm feeling much better today although I could do without the nagging cough and constant dribble from my nose.

I would like to know why it is that my children, both of them, feel the need to wake up 2, 3, even 4 times a night. It is really driving us insane. Sure they go back to sleep right away but it makes for a very restless night. That coupled with a VERY long day at work makes me a very tired girl. Still, here it is, almost 11pm and I sit here, writing on my blog.

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I feel frustrated tonight with my work. I often feel frustrated after a shift at the hospital. A lot of people have said to me that what I do is important work and that it must be so cool to save lives. While I agree that my work is important, nurses frequently feel unnoticed and unheard. While it can sometimes feel fantastic to save a life, we sometimes are forced to keep people alive that we know will have not have any real quality of life when we do save them. What are we saving these people for? So that they can sit in a wheelchair in their nursing home where no one comes to visit them? Where they probably don't remember their caregivers who care for them on a daily basis? Or for those who we don't even know if they even have any family at all, where their only "family" is a public trustee who has made them a "full code" 3 years ago and hasn't bothered to revisit the patient's code status? Now there is a poor man who I am sure has suffered a lot, who probably won't recognize anyone who he should recognize, clinging to life in an ICU, with a tube in his throat helping him to breath, and more medications than any one person should have running through an IV just to keep his blood pressure high enough to sustain his life. Not one person came to visit this man while he was under my care today and our attempts at finding any family that we could speak with ended with the nurse at the nursing home. There was none. Not such a rewarding day. The sad thing is it happens all the time. I tell everyone I know to let their family know their wishes should the unthinkable happen, because it WILL happen. Will your family know what to do?

We do. Nurses do. Doctors do. Those of us that see this on a daily basis. We see tragedy, upon tragedy in our Emergency. We joke about having DNR tatooed on our chests. Or about stock piling medications so that when the time comes we will have our own choice to make when we can make it. Sure we see wonderful things as well. Sure there are many happy moments as well. The majority of people leave the hospital tired but okay but some don't and I am saddened by the families that have never discussed these topics or the patients that have to die alone. If you are reading this and haven't discussed this with your family, please make sure they understand your wishes. Please.

This isn't a self pity party about what a bad day I had. There were many fine moments of my day. I even laughed today. But patients like this can sometimes weigh heavy on your soul. I never really know what to say when people will say, "Wow, you work in ER? It must be so exciting! You must have some great stories!". The truth is that I DO have some stories but the "stories" that I remember the most, that stay with me and are easy to recall are the ones where someone is usually critically injured or ends with me (and others) having to support a grieving family.

It's just hard. That's all there is to it. Mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually....hard. I don't know how else to explain it. Often, I just want to go to an office, do my job on my computer, not hold people's lives in my hands, and go home. I know that that can be hard too, but I sometimes think it really isn't the same HARD.

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So now I've gone back and reread what I have written and although I feel like taking all the middle part out, I'm not. I feel the need to say those things tonight. I feel the need to let people know what it is really like sometimes.

It's strange reading it all again because I see the dissociation with it and then me tapping into my feelings about today. Often I just push all those feelings down. We have to do that. It's a coping thing I think. Two seperate entities...my home life and my work life. But tonight I'm just so tired...

I Am....among other things...

Melissa posted a challenge to bloggers on S! the following list. So....being the obedient young lady that I am, I will oblige ;) Plus I might win a RAK!! Nothing like the promise of a prize to get me going I say!!

I AM: Everything that I wanted to be and more...and some things that I didn't want to be.
I WANT: to get in shape and kick my food addiction in the butt once and for all.
I HAVE: everything I need
I WISH: I had more will power
I HATE: mean and arrogant people
I MISS: having time to myself on a regular basis
I HEAR: children laughing and playing...five minutes ago it was children screaming and crying
I WONDER: what my life will be like a year from now
I REGRET: not allowing my creative side to come out during my schooling years
I AM NOT: happy with my nursing job right now
I DANCE: when no one is watching
I SING: only to my children because to them I have the best voice in the world
I CRY: when I see children suffering
I AM NOT ALWAYS: patient
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: my own works of art
I WRITE: because it calms me and allows me to share my thoughts and feelings
I CONFUSE: my husband
I NEED: love and companionship
I SHOULD: be cleaning my house
I START: everything with enthusiasm
I FINISH: projects with a deep feeling of satisfaction even though it sometimes takes me a while to get there

Thanks for the challenge Melissa! You helped me keep up with my other challenge to post to my blog daily as well!

Under the Weather

Feeling pretty crumby today. I started yesterday with what I thought was a cold but seemed to morph over night into the flu. I woke up this morning with a fever and the feeling like I might vomit at any second. I'm not a really good sick person. I spend my professional like looking after sick people, you think I would be able to handle it. I can't. I sit around feeling sorry for myself. Good thing I have a good man who puts up with me.

This was the worst time of the month to get sick too. I was supposed to be working at Wendy's today getting the kits out. I feel like I have let so many people down. Everyone is always so excited to get the kits and when one factor in the already hectic schedule isn't in place, everything gets thrown off wack. Wendy was so sweet too...she even offered to let me use her "sparkle puke bucket". Thanks. :)

I don't have much else to say since I spent the day sleeping and lounging in my PJ's. I did manage to start some organizing of my embellishments by colour families. I read about it in the Big Picture book. I loved the concept and I can already see how it will be perfect for me. My only concern is trying to pick what colour to put an item with when there are more than one colour. I have put those to the side for now. It's a big job but I think it will be worth it in the end. I will post some pictures (maybe) when and if I ever get it done. It's funny how you have zero strength when you are sick. It's like opening a cupboard takes all the energy in the world.

I'm leaving with a posting of my last layout for the Scraptivity June kit. I loved this kit and I admit I pushed for this paper, so if you don't like it I guess you have me partly to blame! I am so pleased with how this layout turned out. I admit that I was a little afraid of the Festival Letter stamps but I love how the work so well with this layout.

I think that is about it for today. I should at least get some brownie points for keeping up with my commitment to post to my blog. No? Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully a healthier day!

Here's to tomorrow!

It's been a real long time...

SO...it has been forever since I have written on my blog and I made a promise to myself today that I was going to try and post much more frequently. Even if it is just a couple of lines. I think I was feeling this need to write a novel and that was stopping me from coming on and posting. The funny thing is, once I get started it is sometimes hard to stop! Cheap therapy I guess.

Life has been a little hectic lately. I have gone back up to 30 hours a week at the hospital and that hasn't made me very happy. I'm trying to balance that with working with Wendy and getting my own scrapping done. I feel SO good when I scrap but I find that I am SO tired lately and just getting down there to my desk is hard in itself. I think I just have to commit to sitting at the desk every day and looking at my photos and supplies. Then inspiration will set in and I will start scrapping. It usually works every time if I can just get myself down there.

We have Grace registered in Blast Ball and Soccer this summer. So far she is loving every minute of it. Blast Ball is a step below T-Ball. It just gets them used to working as a team and hitting and fielding the ball. It is one of the cutest things I have ever seen (even though I have only managed to get out to one game so far due to working at the hospital...grrr). Basically there is a T and one base. The kids (about 6 of them) stand on these little black pads all around this one base. When the player hits the ball, they all run to try and get the ball. It's so cute to see a group of 6 kids scurrying to get the ball. So far there hasn't been any huge fights.

A cute thing happened at one of the first games. Grace's team is called the Rockies. When they were leaving the field to go home, Grace turned around (not knowing the kids names yet) and screamed, "Bye Rockies number 5!!" It was adorable!

On the scrapping front, I'm thinking about entering Masters this year. That's about as far as I have gotten. I am loving the design team work I am doing for Scraptivity. I love that those kits are constantly pushing me to come up with new ideas and techniques! I was talking last night how I feel like entering the CK HOF contest this year was one of the best things I have ever done in my scrapbooking. It was a challenge to complete those 10 layouts but I felt so fulfilled when I sent in that entry and I feel like it has really helped me to grow as a scrapper. Really good things have come from me entering that contest too.

I believe that things that are happening now are a result of me entering that contest as well. It has given me more confidence to put myself out there. You can't win if you don't try, right?

I'm so excited that yesterday at the CK Convention in Buffalo, I won the Scrapworks Award of Merit prize! I was so excited! There were so many wonderful entries! I saw a few of them myself. I want to give a small shout out to my friend Kim who in my opinion should have won a prize as well....her layout was amazing! I loved all the little details of it. I hope you will get to see it soon on a gallery or better still in an up and coming book or magazine!

Kudos of course to my friend Vicki for bringing home the "Best in Show" award too! Her layout was breathtaking of course...any one who knows Vicki's work would expect no less. I'll be waiting for my dinner Vic!

See? I can't just write a couple of lines...my mother used to always say I talked too much...perhaps she is right.

Creativity in Sickness

Not feeling so well today. I called in sick to work last night because I think I have some sort of stomach virus that I probably picked up at the hospital while working. There has been a lot of that going around at the hospital. I am feeling a lot better today and actually got a layout done as well!

I decided that I am trying out for the 3 Bugs in a Rug design team. I love their paper and love the layouts I have made so far with it. I think it would be a good match for me. I managed to get this done today after my nap and before picking the kids up from daycare. I used my new Gel-a-tin Weathered Letter stamps for the title and I must say that I love them! I was inspired by Grace's hat in the photo and duplicated the pattern in the border on the bottom. I'm pleased with how it turned out.

I love this photo of Grace and I have been waiting for a while to scrap it. I love photos from behind like this. There is something about the mystery around the subject I think. I was reading on a fellow scrappers layout the other day about this exact thing. She came to the realization that she too loves these photos. She continued to say in her journaling how she realizes now that from the moment a child is born they are walking away from us in one form or another. I love reading other people's realizations that they come to through their scrapbooking. It has happened to me on more than one occasion. It's like cheap therapy!

On a lighter note, I made a page with the photos of Simon eating his ice cream. It's made with 3 Bugs in a Rug paper as well. It will also be part of my entry. That boy sure does love his ice cream! I just wish he was a little neater with it! I guess the photos wouldn't be so good though then. It's a catch 22 really.

I want to also add my congratulations to my wonderful friend Vicki Boutin for winning HOF this year. She is so talented and I didn't for one second think she wouldn't win this year. Her entry was amazing. You rock my friend!

A Week of Realizations

HOF has come and gone. I didn't get a call and I'm okay with that. My friend Vicki talked me into attempting the contest and I'm glad I did. I wasn't sure I could do it. To be honest all the assignments intimidated me. I didn't really think I would finish. I finished one layout and then two. Before I knew it I had six under my belt, six that I was proud of, and I suddenly "needed" to complete my entry. I cut it close but I finished with some time to spare. I never thought I would ever win the contest but as the weeks went on I admit to dreaming of an Honourable Mention. It didn't come and every time the phone rings I still joke that it's Lisa calling to tell me I was a last minute addition to the winners. I still love my entry. I am proud of what I accomplished and I am so excited to hear who the winners are. I hope that some of my friends will be on the list this year. I will continue to do what I do and submit as I see fit. I like the freedom of that right now when life as I know it is hectic and crazy at times.

Grace had a tiny operation yesterday. She had a tongue tie that was getting worse as she got older. She was having difficulty with her "th" sounds and the surgeon said that her gums would eventually pull away from her teeth if we left it. We spent yesterday morning at the hospital where Grace underwent a general anesthetic for the very short procedure. In the end she didn't even need stitches. She was a little teary following the procedure but bounced completely back after about an hour at home. We had to force her into staying inside yesterday.

I admit that taking Grace to the hospital for the tiny surgery was a little unnerving for me. I guess it is memories of Simon's surgery coming back to haunt me. Rationally I know it is nothing and I deal with this every day in my professional life, still I just felt uneasy. I was happy to have her home.

Grace could only eat soft food yesterday so Paul took Grace and Simon off to the grocery store to get some healthy and nutritious ice cream...in three varieties!! It was very well received!

Today we went to Mountsberg Provincial Park to observe the maple syrup making. I'm still trying to warm up! It was only -3 but the wind was cold and this has been a fairly mild winter so I feel like I'm not used to any kind of cold. The kids seemed to enjoy it. I think the stomping through the mud was the best part for them though. It is a beautiful park. We walked out to the Sugar Bush and had a horse drawn wagon ride and watched some maple syrup being made. It's great how when you have kids you learn things that either you never knew before or have forgotten about.

My favourite photos of the day are of an eagle and Grace's muddy boots. I love these family outings although I'm not so fond of the meltdowns when both of them have had enough and are completely tired and probably hungry. Grace had one of those today. Nothing I could say was right and she was screaming and crying all the way back to the car. I know every parent has gone through this at one time or another but it is so difficult to ignore the behaviour and walk in public with your screaming children in tow.

I have found a new way to deal with these breakdowns Grace has though. I let her have her "fit" for lack of a better word for a few minutes and then I ask her if I can give her a hug. She always (so far) agrees to it and then we agree to start over. There is no more talking about the melt down or the events leading up to it. I can't get over how well it works and it is definitely a lesson in restraint for me since I too have to let it all go. She is definitely my spirited child!

Simon is doing well on the potty training and has fully taken to the reward system that we have set out for him. It is funny how he will say he doesn't have to go at all and Paul will say that he can have chips if he "poops" on the potty. I have never seen anyone run so fast to a toilet!! At this point, whatever works is good with me. I'm so sick of the diaper thing!

I think that is all I have to report at the moment. I have read the comments about wanting to see my floor from all 2 of you! LOL! I will try and take some pictures and post it as soon as I can!

It's been a while....

A month I guess....wow that's bad. I have been so tired lately. This two job thing is catching up with me I think. I love working with Wendy and my other job....don't love it so much. I love the work I do as a nurse. The politics and abuse we take as nurses I could SO live without. I'm finding the night shifts harder and harder to bounce back from. Hopefully life will settle into a routine sooner rather than later and I can put the nursing thing on a back burner for a while. I wouldn't give it up completely....just do it casually.

Anywho....that said...what else is new? Met up with a bunch of my friends from Scraptivity this past weekend. I am always so thankful for having found an online community of wonderful women that I now call my friends. These have quickly become some of the best friends I have ever had. It's great that we all share the same hobby. I have never laughed like I do when I am with them. I've said it once and I'll say it again...they are good for my soul. I couldn't go a day without a small dose of my friends.

This weekend was a crop and I was proud of myself for not bringing a single thing with me! I find that I never scrap at these things because I am too busy jibber-jabbering my mouth off and catching up with my friends. I often go home with all my supplies, nothing completed. I then have to put everything away again and it is a REAL pain in the neck to do so! After the crop we went for dinner and then to a bar! I haven't been to a bar in probably 10 years at least (besides the odd pub of course). It was an older crowd and fun but I have to tell you that I am so happy to have Paul and not have to go out and try and attract the opposite sex anymore. It's so wonderful to have someone I love to share my life with.

On the home front, Grace has to have a little operation on March 17th. She has a tongue tie and I feel it may be affecting her speech. She can't say the "th" sound right now and can hardly stick her tongue out. The oral surgeon said it will affect her gums in the future if we don't get the procedure done. She has to go under a general for it though so that makes me a little nervous. It's funny how when you are a nurse you are always first a mom when it comes to your kids. I don't feel confident in myself when my kids are sick. It's like I forget that I know things. I guess my knowledge would kick in but it still makes me uneasy.

Grace and I have taken to a new night time ritual. We have started telling little secrets to each other at night when we go to sleep. I have learned more about the way she thinks in the past week through her secrets than I ever have in the past. It mostly revolves around me telling her how much I love her and that I missed her while I was at work. I try and tell her how proud I am of her. Last night she asked me if we could pick flowers in the spring. How cute is that? She also asked me if we could go to a museum and look at the dinosaur bones (one of her recent obsessions).

I am constantly amazed at how much knowledge a child can absorb. Grace has been obsessed the past couple of weeks with learning about dinosaurs and planets. We have been reading about all the planets and she is always telling me dinosaur facts. She has all these songs she learned in school about the dinosaurs and she sings them all the time. I love listening to her. She told Simon the other day that dinosaurs were extinct. I hear Simon say "extinct?" and she goes on to say that it means that they are all dead. Well that started a cry fest. Simon was quite upset.

I got some great photos of Grace with her dinosaurs the other day and I can't wait to scrap them. I also scanned a dinosaur that Grace drew for her friend because she wasn't feeling well. When she brought it over to me I was amazed!

I think I'm done now. This was a long entry. That's what I get for not posting for a month I guess. I realize that this was a very Grace centric post so next time will have to be tidbits about Simon!

Happy day in the end...

So here I am sitting amongst the shambles of our main floor. We are having new flooring installed right now and our life has been turned somewhat upside down. The kids are off the wall and I feel somewhat out of sorts. The floor is looking great so far and will be finished tomorrow so everything should be pretty much back to normal by the weekend or so.

My son Simon has a very strong bond to Paul, my husband. At times it bothers me. I mean a child is supposed to prefer their mother. I have been battling with my feelings about this. On one hand I'm so happy that my husband has such close bonds to his children. I think some of it stems from working shifts. He is the only constant in their lives most of the time. Some days I just feel like crying when I try and put him to bed and he says, "No! Daddy!" But then there are days like today when I realize that Simon really wants his mother around and loves her too.

This morning Grace, Simon, and Paul were standing in the front hall when I came downstairs. I didn't have a direct view of Simon and I hear a little voice say, "Daddy move. I can't see Mommy!" I tell you that was all I needed to make up for all the other times that Simon didn't want to talk to me or to "see" me over his father. It's funny how kids do that to us. One hug, look, or statement can melt your heart and make you forget that you were angry, sad, or or just plain fed up with their antics. Gosh I love them.

Jumping on the Wagon....

Well here we go. I'm jumping on the bandwagon sort of speak. I was feeling like I was missing out on all the fun. Woo hoo!! My first post on my very own blog! I hope that by doing this I will write more and share more with my friends and family about my daily goings on. I will use this spot to post photos I love, new scrapbook pages, and musings about my everyday life. I feel like I am forgetting lately all the cute and wonderful things my kids say and do. I'm hoping that this will help me to jog my memory when the time arises that I am thinking....what was it that Grace or Simon said last week? I don't think I will update on a daily basis but you never know! Stay tuned...